Did you hear about…
Q: Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero?
A: He’s 0K now.
Q: Did you hear about woman who couldn’t find a singing partner?
She ended up buying a duet-your-self kit.
Q: Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of prunes?
A: He’s been on the run for the last month.
Q: Did you hear about the pigeon who wanted to buy a famous London landmark?
A: He put a deposit on Big Ben.
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping?
A: He woke up.
Q: Did you hear about the man from London who became very thirsty when he went to visit his relatives in Vancouver?
A: He drank Canada Dry.
Q: Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?
A: He was found squashed under a shop.
Q: Did you hear about the dating agency for chickens that went bankrupt last week?
A: They couldn’t make hens meet.
Q: Did you hear about the very intelligent monster?
A: He was called Frank Einstein.
Q: Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?
A: The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.
Q: Did you hear about the young man who got really worried when his nose kept growing until it was eleven inches long?
A: He thought it might turn into a foot.
Q: Did you hear about the florist who had two children?
A: One is a budding genius and the other one is a blooming idiot.
Q: Did you hear about the musical ghost?
A: He wrote haunting melodies.
Q: Did you hear about the woman who was so ugly she could make yogurt just by staring at a glass of milk for an hour?
Q: Did you hear about the farmer’s boy who hated working in the country?
A: He went to London and got a job as a shoe-shine boy. So the farmer made hay while the son shone.
Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
A: It was in tents!
Q: Did you hear about the dangerous fool who keeps going around saying “no” anytime someone asks them a question?
A: No.
Oh no, it’s you!
Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?
A: Probably….
Q: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
A: Great food but no atmosphere.
Q: Did you hear about the rich Arab who bought a herd of cows?
A: He became a milk sheikh.
Q: Did you hear about the man who listened to the match?
A: He burnt his ear.
Q: Did you hear about the detective who became famous after solving crimes by pure chance?
A: He was called Sheer – Luck Holmes.
Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a million-hare.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa
Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He’s all right now.
Q: Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for their mother’s birthday?
A: They threw a sowprize party.
Q: Did you hear about the man went into a bank and asked to see the man who arranged loans?
A: ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ said a cashier, ‘the loan arranger is out to lunch at the moment.’
Q: ‘Well, can I speak to Tonto, then?’ asked the man.
Q: Did you hear about the horse that has made over twenty movies?
A: He’s not a star though, he just does bit parts.
Q: Did you hear about the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
A: His bark was much worse than his bite.
Q: Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
A: He was sentenced to 12 months in jail; they say his days are numbered.
Q: Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
A: A strong current pulled him under.
