The control I have over my wife

Three men are talking about their wives. Two of the men are talking about the control they have over their wives, while the third remains silent. After a while, the first two men turn to the third and ask, “What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?”

A pig is eating at a restaurant and while eating his dinner, he drinks 15 glasses of water. After he’s finished eating, he pays for the bill and heads for the door. The restaurant manager stops hims and says,”Hey, don’t you want to use the bathroom before you head home?”

A man goes into a restaurant with a giraffe. The giraffe lays by his table as the man eats his dinner. After his meal, the man gets up and walks towards the door to leave, leaving the giraffe on the floor by the table. Just as he gets to the door, the restaurant manager stops…

Frantically readying for a fancy French party, the wife asks the husband if he can run to the store and buy some escargot for the party. “Sure!”, he says and tears out the door. On the way he decides to stop at his favorite bar for a quick drink. After and hour or so, he…

Two polynomials walk into a bar. The bartender, a derivative, asks them, “Can I take your order?”

A man walks into a bar, very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “What’s the matter?” The fellow replies, “Well, I’ve got these two horses, and well … I can’t tell them apart. I don”t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right…

A duck walks into a store and says, “Got any bread?” The salesman says, “No.” The duck says, “Got any bread?” The salesman says, “NO!” “Got any bread?”

A Frenchman walks into McDonalds with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap. The lady at the counter says, “Hey, that’s cool – where did you get that?”

Two atoms are walking along talking and the first atom says, “Dang – I think I’ve lost an electron!” The second atom asks, “Are you sure?”

A man walks into a restaurant in Ireland, and asks the barman, “What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?” “Are you walking or driving?” asks the barman.