Funny Zen – Words of wisdom from the Zen Master.

A few moments of zen, words of wisdom to live by such as: Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

Brother Alfred entered the Monastery of Silence and the Abbot said, “Brother, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so….”. Brother Alfred lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbot said to him, “Brother Alfred,…

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, “Bring me my Red Shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captains Red Shirt and while wearing the…

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had…

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

A group of senior citizens were talking at the breakfast table in a Victoria nursing home. “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The…

First Boy: Dammit, I forgot to take my medicine this morning. Second Boy: Is is for your face?

Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. “What’s Logic?” the first redneck asks. The professor answers by saying, “Let me give you an example. Do…