Friday Thoughts

israel 125year old man laughing thumb

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could…

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Hanging on for dear life

Man hanging from a mooring rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a…

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Missing Husband

Old telephone

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next-door neighbor to verify this report and the lady…

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Generous lawyer

Lawyer signing a Power of Attorney document for health care

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you didn’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you…

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0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Boy laughing laughter

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!” The next morning, he got up early and left for work. When his wife…

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Blonde Paint Job

Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blonds

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”…

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Dictionary for Women

3599910629 women looking at a dictionary

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman…

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