Funny (but true) medical quotes

Old surgery

The things that medical staff write in reports.  The following are true excerpts from the medical reports of a UK hospital. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year…

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Animal Quiz

Two giraffe neck and head

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions. The questions are not that difficult. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? SCOLL DOWN > > > > > > > > > > > The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests…

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The history of comedy

MonkeyLaugh

How long has comedy been around? Check out the history of comedy in this “serious” article about how comedy shaped the world as we know it.

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You might be a redneck if…

Redneck zombie

You might be a redneck if… More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minute Maid taste test. You’ve lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not left…

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Friday Thoughts

israel 125year old man laughing thumb

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could…

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Hanging on for dear life

Man hanging from a mooring rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a…

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Missing Husband

Old telephone

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next-door neighbor to verify this report and the lady…

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Generous lawyer

Lawyer signing a Power of Attorney document for health care

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you didn’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you…

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0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Boy laughing laughter

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!” The next morning, he got up early and left for work. When his wife…

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Blonde Paint Job

Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blonds

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”…

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