
How editors miss the alternate meanings behind these true, real-life news headlines is beyond us. But we’re glad they did! Here is a collection of funny, real-life newspaper headlines.
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Include your Children when Baking Cookies
War Dims Hope for Peace
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes – Idle Kids
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in 84
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says
Alton attorney accidentally sues himself
Volunteers search for old Civil War Planes
Army Vehicle goes Missing after being painted with camouflage
Meeting on Open Meetings is Closed
Ten Commandments, Supreme Court says some OK, others not
Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone to not take poison
Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25
Puerto Rican teen named mistress of the universe
One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers
Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday
Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Robber Holds Up Albert’s Hosiery
Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
William Kelly was Fed Secretary
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests
Man is Fatally Slain
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe out Literacy
NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach
Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax
Worker suffers leg pain after 800lb ball drops on head
Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive
Dam road sign keeps disappearing
Fire destroys go-go bar and leaves 4 men homeless
Fumes force bean workers to leave
Bill would make it illegal to break rules
Lost language found but no one can read it
Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem
Planes forced to land at airports
Rally against apathy draws small crowds
50 foot officers to patrol dangerous neighborhoods
Fire destroys crematorium
Officials say death by firing squad not that bad
Officials say homicide victims rarely talk to police