If I worked instead of fishing, what would my reward be?

Stilts fishermen fishing near Unawatuna, Sri Lanka

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the…

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed into a tree. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bedside. He asked his brother how his wife was, and his brother replied, “Don’t…

20200327T1621 POPE BLESSING COVID 19 604090 preview.jpg

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held…

When I see a bruised banana at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, “Who did this to you?”

“Daddy, tell me a bedtime story.” “Sure honey. Once upon a time there was a little girl that wouldn’t go to bed. Then she died.”

A 3-year-old was heard praying: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.” A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

A man is visiting the cemetery to place flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother. He places the flowers on the grave and is walking back towards his car when he notices another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and repeating, “Why did you have…

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new…

A doctor and an attorney were attending a formal party where they started up a casual conversation. As they talked, people kept approaching the doctor describing their aches and pains and asking the doctor for advice.

Phyllis Diller jokes tended to focus on her failings as a housewife, her lack of sex appeal, and the shortcomings of an imaginary husband (Fang) and overweight mother-in-law. Here are a few of Phyllis Diller’s famouse funny lines and quotes.