Only whores and hockey players live in Minnesota

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man insisted that he did not need a whole head, only half.

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An easy way to get that corpse into his blue suit

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he’s in his brown suit. She’d specifically told the funeral home that she wanted him buried in his favorite blue suit. She was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit…

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I’m sorry, but I’ve forgotten your name. Again.

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

Two elderly ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, “I realize we’ve known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just…

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We have a job for you

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”

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I’ll paint your porch for twenty bucks

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

A blonde comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and knocks gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the blonde tells him, “Please, sir, I will do anything for money. Is there something you would like for me to do for you?”

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Dad’s gonna ride in the back seat this time

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

16-year-old Little Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family filed out to the driveway and climbed into the car for Little Johnny’s first drive. Without stopping, Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

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