Will you marry me?

An elderly widow and widower had been dating for over five years. The oldman finally decided to ask her to marry him. Without hesitation, she immediately said “yes”. The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was!

A man who hadn’t been feeling well for quite some time, went to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news for you sir,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left to live.”

A nervous little man, wandered into a tough biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over Bloomingdales.

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which one had the smartest dog. First Woman : “My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces…

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem. “Doctor, doctor!” he started. I’ve got this problem,” the man continued. “I keep hallucinating that I’m a dog. A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog. It’s crazy. I don’t know what to do!”

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, the priest asked how much he owed for the haircut. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber arrived at work and found twelve prayer books and a thank you…

A popular airline recently introduced a new special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great success and feedback from their marketing promotion, the airline sent out letters to wives of all the businessmen who had used the special rates, asking them how they enjoyed their trip.