Helium walks into a bar

A out of towner is sitting in a bar in a remote Australian town. The newcomer hears people yell out numbers (42, 16, 28, and so on) and then everyone laughs. He asks the bloke next to him what’s going on, and he explains that the jokes have been told so many times before that…

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9. “But I paid, don’t you remember?’ says the customer. “OK”’ says the bartender, “If you say you paid, you did.”

A man is sitting in the bar for 30 minutes staring at a drink that is sitting in front of him. Then a big trouble-making truck driver steps up next to the man, takes the drink from him and empties the glass. The poor man starts crying.

A golf club walks into a bar and orders a beer, but the bartender refuses to serve him. “Why not?” asks the golf club. “You’ll be driving later.”

A head walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink, and after he is finished, Boom! A torso appears. So the head asks for another drink and after he finishes, Bang! Arms come out of the torso.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are sitting in a bar in Texas on one of the hottest days on record and sit down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walks in and says, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

An attorney walked into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks like plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it…