Earl knows everyone

Laughing cat funny jokes with text

Earl was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Earl how about Tom Cruise?” “Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”

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Gandhi’s nickname

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Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. And of course he was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not fasting or on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.

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We need you in the Army of the Lord

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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day after Easter service, and as always the preacher was standing at the doorshaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The preacher said to him, “You need to join the Army of the…

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When scientists have no more need for God

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One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need You.…

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The atheist and the Loch Ness monster

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An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed the atheist and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both. As the man sailed head…

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I want my alligator shoes

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A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices. “I’ll just catch my own alligator,” she told one shopkeeper,” so I can get a pair of shoes for free.” She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.

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Baseball and the symphony

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The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

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Where is God?

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A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. They boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked…

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