I Can Read Your Mind – Honestly

Judi has been working as a secretary at a new firm for a week when her boss tells her “I’ll tell you a little secret. I can read your mind!” “Really?” says Judi. “Yep,” replies the boss, as he looks her deep into her eyes. “For instance, I know you’ve had a date with a…

Women rarely say what they mean and men are too stupid to understand the true meaning behind women speak. Here’s a handy guide to get you started. The following are common phrases spoken by women around the world along with the interpretation of what they really mean.

A computer programmer is walking along the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or the mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near- death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

While sports fishing just off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?”

Two fellas from Arkansas approach each other on the street. One is carrying a large sack. “Hey, Tommy Ray, whacha got in the bag?” “Jus’ some chickens.” “If I guesses how many they are, kin I have one?”

Dave is struggling through the Dallas airport terminal with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a man stops him and says “Pardon me, do you have the time?” Dave sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. “It’s a quarter to three”, he says.

A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said “OK so you released me from the lamp blah blah blah, but this is the fourth time this week and I’m getting a little sick…

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the…